The girls are fighting, screaming at each other. The Tv downstairs drowns out some of the screeches of the expressions of sisterly love. "No its my turn, no mine" or " Your ruining it!" Having complete different personalities doesn't help with the always arguing over what they should play, who goes first, and who's fault "IT" is. Whatever IT is...
I lay down...My legs, burning from walking. My hands hurting and swollen. My eyes tired and red. My muscles aching from just being upright so long. The joints just yelling at me in my body, "why did you walk so much". Its frustrating in a sense to want to take your kids places and Need to go to the store but by the time I get to the store and walk in the door, exhaustion has set in and I feel an overwhelming amount of pain, and need to sit. My feet just hurt. Its the easiest way to describe the fiery fight my toes, arches, heel, and Achilles feel. The need to take the circulating blood out of my feet so I don't feel the pain anymore. Its most embarrassing when you are in a store and you have no other choice but to sit. When that happens it doesn't really matter where I am, today I sat on the floor. Don't mind me, just sitting in the middle of the aisle, yes I'm OK. Leave me alone. The girls climbing all over me, as if their existence on me will somehow take the pain away and their touch will set me free. I wish it was. Laying in bed contemplating how ridiculous life is right now. I have the overwhelming NEED to hit the reset button. I want to reset my life, be without pain, burdens, and responsibilities. Don't get me wrong I love love love my kids! I love their smiles, laughs, and snuggles. I yearn for those moments. I just don't want to be me right now.
But there has to be a lesson in here somewhere. Theres always a moral at the end of the story, people endure pain then the miraculous happens they get over it and move on. How do you deal with life when pain and frustration, disappointment are part of your everyday life? Everyday is not guaranteed to be a walk in the park. I have endured, lived, lost and am still enduring...
Some days it feels like one of those never ending cycles of when is it going to end? When we are in this cycle, we have to get out!!!
I wanted nothing more today than to just leave, leave everything. Have you ever had one of those days? Ever wanted desperately to have the "that was easy button". I don't believe I have ever had a day that I felt that I possessed the "easy button". God never said that our life would be easy though. Jesus for sure did not have the easy button. Who am I to complain? I have a roof over my head. I have a life giving church, and I have a few life giving friends. When I feel like all is lost I stop, drop, and roll!!
No, actually I don't. I couldn't get up once I get down...lol!
Yes Sometimes I have a sense of humor. So in essence I can smile, see, smell, and enjoy the life God gave me. I might not be able to take my kids to the Harvest festival, buy them ice cream, or take them to Disney like I dream, BUT when you have little I think you appreciate much. I appreciate every little thing someone does for me, says to me, or thinks of me. I enjoy the presence and the time I spend with my friends because they are so precious to me. I love feeling the light breeze across my face, and the gentle rays of sunshine that shine through the window in the car. I may get a rash from enjoying the sunlight a little too much but for that instant I feel God's warmth. I feel the heart. I look at the blue skies and see his miraculous work. If life always went the way we wanted we would be soooo bored. If all our wishes, dreams, aspirations came true what would we have to work on?
