A lot is going on, too much that I will not share but this a peek into a moment of my life...
I woke up today with my head pounding, nauseous, and relatively feeling like I have the flu. I had to call for help just to get up to get to the bathroom. After the room stopped spinning I was able to eat some crackers and sip some water. Between the side effects of the infusion and being extremely run down from pushing myself too hard I can hardly walk or sit up. The autonomic dysfunction messes up my blood pressure and heart rate so my body thinks its running a marathon while Im laying in bed. I have to sit up and keep going though, my youngest daughter is sick and hivey and swollen. She has to get to the Dr and I cant walk let alone drive. After that whole ordeal is over we find out yes she has another infection and we have almost zero food in the house. So I request someone to help get us some groceries and seek Gods strength in finding a way to get food made and then pray I don't get her infection. While requests were denied we prayed for God to give strength through the store as at least we had a means to get to the store and the store has electronic carts, praise Jesus! I have mustered enough strength from heaven to be able to sit up for a few before my eyes get blurry and the medicine for my migraine wears off and I try not to vomit on the nice lady at the register. When she asks how I am, I look up and just say, good, how is your day?
When my oldest gets home the inevitable fighting ensues and screaming. I try not to laugh because I want to cry from my head exploding and they don't have a voice so they are basically squeak yelling at each other over nothing. Such is the life of a mom with chronic treatments, illness that doesn't leave every single day, the flare ups, the ok days where you can push through and look semi normal. Today I feel one step away from a hospitalization. My white count is extremely low and I feel things getting worse in my body while all I can do is pray for strength from God. My prayer is that when my daughters need me when Im older Ill be alive and better so they have support. I want them to know in any and all situations no matter what I will be there for them because I know how hard it is to do this life on faith alone. As I gaze into their faces while I mom mute the screaming my heart yearns to run up and squeeze them till they stop but I cant move at the moment so i just close my eyes and pray for the peace to surround the house, the peace that only God gives, that transcends all understanding and meets every need we have. This is where I am...where God meets us...so I will be still and know that God is here and all I need to do is be still and know its all going to be ok eventually.
I woke up today with my head pounding, nauseous, and relatively feeling like I have the flu. I had to call for help just to get up to get to the bathroom. After the room stopped spinning I was able to eat some crackers and sip some water. Between the side effects of the infusion and being extremely run down from pushing myself too hard I can hardly walk or sit up. The autonomic dysfunction messes up my blood pressure and heart rate so my body thinks its running a marathon while Im laying in bed. I have to sit up and keep going though, my youngest daughter is sick and hivey and swollen. She has to get to the Dr and I cant walk let alone drive. After that whole ordeal is over we find out yes she has another infection and we have almost zero food in the house. So I request someone to help get us some groceries and seek Gods strength in finding a way to get food made and then pray I don't get her infection. While requests were denied we prayed for God to give strength through the store as at least we had a means to get to the store and the store has electronic carts, praise Jesus! I have mustered enough strength from heaven to be able to sit up for a few before my eyes get blurry and the medicine for my migraine wears off and I try not to vomit on the nice lady at the register. When she asks how I am, I look up and just say, good, how is your day?
When my oldest gets home the inevitable fighting ensues and screaming. I try not to laugh because I want to cry from my head exploding and they don't have a voice so they are basically squeak yelling at each other over nothing. Such is the life of a mom with chronic treatments, illness that doesn't leave every single day, the flare ups, the ok days where you can push through and look semi normal. Today I feel one step away from a hospitalization. My white count is extremely low and I feel things getting worse in my body while all I can do is pray for strength from God. My prayer is that when my daughters need me when Im older Ill be alive and better so they have support. I want them to know in any and all situations no matter what I will be there for them because I know how hard it is to do this life on faith alone. As I gaze into their faces while I mom mute the screaming my heart yearns to run up and squeeze them till they stop but I cant move at the moment so i just close my eyes and pray for the peace to surround the house, the peace that only God gives, that transcends all understanding and meets every need we have. This is where I am...where God meets us...so I will be still and know that God is here and all I need to do is be still and know its all going to be ok eventually.
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